The forsaken love

Like the rest of the afternoons, the bell rang and it was him- once again. She quickly ran in the drawing room which is always lonely except at the time of visitors or when her father offers his daily prayers. It was dark due to heavy curtains and enclosed design, so she hid behind a sofa.

He after sometime, came to the entrance of the drawing room and called her name. She held her breath like a dead body. He like many other times, called twice for he knew it is one of the places to find her when she is found nowhere else. He waited for a minute or so and then tapped his feet as if he is leaving. This was an old trick which he applied to make her satisfied that he is gone and when she came out, he grabbed her for his filthy giddying. But, she had learnt and remained silent for more than longer until her elder sister called and she rushed out towards her in her room to protect herself.

Youcef was a 17 years old, very fat, dark and ugly Christian boy whose mother used to work in people’s houses. Amongst those was this, where he had found this three year’s old little girl Sara to get amusement from. She was very pretty, innocent and shy girl born in a Pakhtun family of Pakistan. Pakhtuns are known for their strictness, stubbornness, religiousness and conservativeness but with an expanded fame of hospitality for their guests. Sara has known her origin and the atmosphere she has to be brought up in.

Despite of this, or perhaps Youcef was too brutal for her- she had known all her limits even in this very young age. She has known how her father has treated them, all with too much of love but in the most respectable manner. Daughters are never asked to or made to sit on laps, hugged tightly, kissed or bitten. They were taken care with reverence, politely and with delicacy of their being. There was a natural shyness that kept her reserved but Youcef definitely has studied that well. Knowing all a satin must know of, Youcef never failed to find her playing with her self-made characters from tooth brushes in any peaceful corner of her house and have taken his benefit. He was huge and very powerful for this girl and has threatened her with physical strength as well as mental.

What could a three year’s old Sara have known of a man and his lust? The bone breaking hugs, wet bites on skin and something rubbing between her legs, which was not worth an understanding or even feeling? But Youcef knew his game. He has told her very offensively that if she spoke, resisted or didn’t obey him- he would tell her father that she does all the dirty things with him and he being a Pakhtun would discard her like a piece of shit. She has known the customs of her cast but more of her father, who was like a manly-god to her. She couldn’t tolerate her father getting hurt by knowing what occurred to her rather suffered just to save an unknown prestige.

All she could do was to make every possible attempt to save herself from that beast. And it wasn’t too late until she rescued herself completely but for a three year’s old child, only the once was the enough of the last. She knew that she was innocent and has nothing to do with what Youcef was trying to make her enjoy. The only helplessness was the name of her father upon which she couldn’t bear a word. Who must be spared from anything he doesn’t like. Her father if known to anything of it would have simply killed Youcef but at the stake of his own life!

Youcef might have gone ahead but until he tried to convince her politely to cooperate with him and enjoy the pleasure of getting something rubbed to her, she had learnt to confront him with terror. The ugly fat boy, who used to torment her with force was only in few attempts and after some hide and seek was clarified that in case of anymore proceeding, she personally would tell everything to her father and he would see Youcef himself. The spoken confrontation alert him enough that it can be none but an end to his breath if became serious.

A three year’s old, passed three more decades of her life just on the value of learning from this single very experience. An experience that has not yet entered her body, penetrated or molested her soul but bruised her so badly that made her a fierce animal in her own existence. She could tear a man into pieces no matter how humble, honest and loving approach he make. There was one simple rule she has developed- the understanding of how much a man wants to touch and feel a woman for his interest. The very sacred desire of an individual to own a woman of his choice has been nullified by Sara because of her fearful childhood.

She has known physical bonding, its requirement or importance, the feelings of possession but something inside her was broken when her innocence was not even ripen enough to tolerate the sarcasm of life. She has denied the truth of sharing and making love, drawing a boundary around her to confront every approach. No words, gestures or emotions could have tilted her heart to accept that she is a beautiful woman and can be desired and loved just for being the way she is. And there was no one on earth to feel what she felt and perceive what she think to understand how loneliness has surrounded her so deeply and intensely. She has died in front of everyone in the most unknown way.